so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
