Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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