Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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