my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
