i need an iv and a liver transplant
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
