If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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