I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
