he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
