Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
