Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
