Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i think i have two assholes
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
