If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
