I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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