You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
