Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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