I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
