I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Couch. On fire.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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