Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
