I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
