The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
