I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
that's an acceptable place to lick
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize