So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
