Your face is a jimmy john
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
