i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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