I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
