just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
this just has baby written all over it
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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