mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
