Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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