it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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