i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize