I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
