I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize