the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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