ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
