You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I love having hate sex.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
my poor anus
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
