I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
