That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
