I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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