He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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