Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
