I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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