Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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