I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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