How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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