dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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