I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
