He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Randomize
