I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize