He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
