dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
