He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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