We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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