thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
operation have a gay friend backfired
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
