I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
