you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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