When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
