just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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