At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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