i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
