i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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