Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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