Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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