I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
