don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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