i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
