Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
my liver is dry heaving
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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